Monday, 24 September 2012

I've Never Seen Star Wars

I've Never Seen Star Wars is the title of a Radio Four show in which successive slebs are confronted by common experiences that seem somehow to have passed them by. It came up in conversation at the weekend when we were visiting friends, who had thoughtfully brought down from the loft a box full of their (grown-up) children's Star Wars toys for Charlie to play with. Needless to say, Charlie's never seen the film but it didn't seem to spoil his enjoyment.

A brief conversation about the programme followed and it was then I thought, why should they - the slebs - have all the fun? There's loads of things I haven't done (or seen or heard or read or tasted) and here - for your amusement, delight and incredulity - are just a few of them. I hope, after reading mine, you'll make me feel a whole lot better by telling me yours. It's easy: you just pick anything you've never done but don't normally admit to, some otherwise obligatory experience that's somehow passed you by, anything that might make your friend's jaws drop when you admit to being in ignorance of it and own up.

Here are a few of mine. I've never seen:

  • Downton Abbey, or
  • Friends (I'm like, 'I've soooo not seen friends?' and she's like, 'Oh my God, no way have you not seen Friends!')

Neither have I read a Thomas Hardy novel. (Although I have listened to Tess of the D'Urbervilles on audio cassette, an awfully long time ago.)

I've not been to the USA.

I've never eaten oysters. (Actually, I've tried them... just never liked them which is unusual as I'm quite keen other shellfish). Nor have I been mountain-climbing, hang-gliding, paint-balling or go-carting.

But perhaps most embarrassing of all, perhaps the most candid revelation of the lot and possibly the point at which you may need to catch hold of your jaw, I've reached the ripe old age of forty-something, done a few things not many people manage to do and lived a reasonably full life, yet I've not ever even been close to, or within spitting distance of seeing... Star Wars.

Any of them.


And judging from the amount of jaw-dropping there was on Saturday, I think I must be the only one.


  1. Couldn't resist dropping in, Tim. I HATE that programme, I think it's rubbish. Why would I remotely be interested what people have done and havent' done.

    However, saying that, I was interested in your blind spots.

    I've never gone near Downton Abbey either, nor that bland Friends. So thumbs up from me.
    Bit sad about Thomas Hardy tho'. Read Under The Greenwood Tree, your life will change. And those Wessex Tales will make you put your head under the blanket at night. Especially Barbara at the House of Grebe - brrr!

    Never seen Star Wars either. But Husband and Son have, and don't I hear every detail! xxx

  2. And I've been to the USA, believe me, you've missed nothing!

  3. I am always amazed at how much knowledge of Star Wars young kids have (mine anyway.) I can't remember my 17 year old seeing all the movies as a child but when he talks to his Star Wars obsessed 9 y/o brother they might as well be talking in a different language. Where did he get it all from?
    Oh and I watched the Emmys last night and hadn't seem most of the winners - Mad Men, Homeland, Modern Family. And I'm the only person I know who hasn't seen as single episode of Desperate Housewives.

  4. WHAT?! Surely you were the target audience when it came out... what happened?

    And Expat mum, I also have not seen a single episode of Desperate Housewives :)

  5. I've never seen Star Wars. I've never eaten a snail. I've never punched anyone.

  6. Looks like there's quite a club of us who've never seen Star Wars. There's a lot else I've missed out on (have I actually missed most of; I doubt it!); so much that I've written some of it on my blog here:

  7. You are not alone. I've never seen Star Wars either. Or any Indiana Jones, Harry Potter or Die Hard films. Shocker!!!


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