Now I like to see people bake cakes, dance, sing songs, dig allotments, create business plans and knit as much as the next man. Actually, I don't. I like to see people dance. We love Strictly in our house. But that's about all.
But what I want to know is, what's next? Because if they want an 'author-off' (or should that be 'write-off') I'm available. And I'd be pretty good at 'get the kids up, dressed and to school at the right time with the right kit and wearing the right clothes' too. And that really IS a challenge. Beats baking a cake any day.
Actually, I know what will be next. Or rather, I know how to find out. Because it's clear that the planners in telly-land have simply watched old episodes of The Generation Game and taken them apart, round by round, and made each stage into its own series.
For those unfamiliar with the concept, The Generation Game was a long-running Saturday evening TV programme hosted by Brucie ('nice to see you') Forsyth that involved family teams competing against each other after watching a series of experts demonstrating a variety of activities they themselves then had to do. Here's a typical example, involving a basket (case):
See? The expert makes it look easy! And the audience can't help laughing, anticipating the mess the contestants are likely to make of it. And, of course, they're right.
Clearly, to save money, the BBC has simply decided to recycle the idea. And maybe add some new games for good measure. I don't remember Alan Sugar ever appearing, nor the contestants having to close some ghastly business deal, but no matter. It's the formula that matters.So, in the interests of keeping the license fee low and maintaining the same cannibalistic spirit, here are a few more suggestions for reality TV programmes that I offer to the BBC (or any other broadcaster) with the proviso that, if any of them make it to screen, I get a cut.
- The Apprentice... carpenter (or, 'plain-sailing with a plane')
- Strictly Come Train-spotting
- The only way is Esso - in which contestants compete to see whose driving is the most economical
- Any Parents Kitchen Nightmare (speaks for itself)
- The Great British Bog Off - in which bargain-hungry shoppers compete to save the most money while doing the weekly shop.
Life. It's the name of the game.