Tuesday, 17 July 2012

A Royal Flush

Just to prove The Daily Mail wrong, and give Ms Middleton's Party Times something regal, wholesome and positive to 'publish' on their website this morning (please see this post if none of the above makes sense!) I hereby wish to make known that I, Tim Atkinson, writer of 'excoriating diatribes' and 'anti-monarchist rants' will, this afternoon, be in a state of voluntary obeisance to a genuine, real, Royal blood Princess - The Princess Royal herself, no less.

You see, Princess Anne (as I believe she is sometimes known) is deigning to visit the town and attend a church service at which I am singing. I've been vetted for the occasion by security (not G4S, either) and far from being blackballed as the 'vehement anti-monarchist' that the Daily Mail would have you believe that I am, I have a pass and have been told how to behave in the unlikely event that Her Royal Highness deign to speak to one.

I feel vindicated. Her Royal Highness is clearly aware of the way the Mail has been treating me these past weeks and has engineered the visit as means of re-instating my royalist credentials. Oh, and she's opening the new loos at Boston Stump, too.

But only I know why she's really here.

Thank you ma'am!


  1. That knighthood is now safe, Tim.

    What will you be singing?

    1. Three short anthems, Trish (no solos, I'm afraid - my royal reconciliation won't quite stretch to that) Locus Iste (Bruckner), Jesu, the Very Thought of Thee (Bairstow) and O Taste and See (Vaughan-Williams). Oh, and there will be fanfares. And Corky's tune, I should expect.

  2. Ha ha. Speaking of loos, my friend had to escort her to the loo a few years ago when she was on her rounds in the north east. What a flippin' palaver. The toilet itself has to be steralised then sealed; the door has to be taped so that no one else will use it; my friend walked her about half way through a labyrinth of corridors (in silence) when the Princess turned and said "I can manage from here thank you". Not sure how she found her way back though!

  3. Opening new loo's, seems a kind of z-list celebrity thing to be doing!


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