No, not this post. (Well, actually...)
But really. It's Thursday, and we're happy. Because as the more attentive readers of Bringing up Charlie will know, today is bin day. And - as Eric Pickles pointed out - a weekly bin collection is one definition of middle-England heaven. Or at least, not hell.
To be fair, Mr Pickles has a point. We are all paying an average of £120 per month in Council Tax; we should at least get our bins emptied. And we did, this morning. A bit too early, maybe, but I'm not complaining. Taking away the rubbish, cleaning the streets, mowing the park grass and weeding the flowerbeds are the fundamentals of Local Government, aren't they?
So where else is all the money going? Well, far be it from me to get political, but have you seen the cost of local 'democracy' lately? How many councillors does your Town Hall pay to play politics? Put in a freedom of information request and find out how much they're claiming in expenses. Justifiably... of course! But that's a lot of money for a lot of talking and - in a few cases, maybe - not a lot of action.
I propose we do away with the lot of 'em. Let's all have directly elected Mayors... and not the ceremonial, ostrich-plumed gold-chain wearing variety. The working, doing, by-law passing and - yes - refuse-collecting type. After all, if our bins weren't emptied, we'd at least know who to blame. And who to vote out at the next election.
If only all Town Halls were like Trumpton, eh?